Yet Another Setback

It has been close to 3 days now since I wrote a post and all for good reason! Just kidding, I kinda forgot and was really into unplugging and just reading this weekend. So that’s what I did. Finished two books and now I’m in that weird spot of, do I buy another book? Do I stop reading for the next 3 months again? Eh, not important.

So that super cool new medication that was supposed to be a breakthrough? Yeah, no. I’m finding out that the worst part about this process is the endless medications they will prescribe me come with SO many side effects, they just choose not to disclose them with me. This is where this is about to get TMI to the max, so if you’re uncomfortable with female menstruation, reproductive organs (i.e. breasts), and other such information, you may not enjoy this post too much.

I started this medication on Wednesday of last week, so by the time I started noticing some weird irregularities in my body, it’s only Saturday. 4 days after this tiny 5mg, 4 times a day, pill is introduced into my system, shit is already hitting the fan. I live in an upstairs apartment building and went down the front steps to check my mail, and I felt this weird soreness in my breasts for the first time. Mind you I am a 32B so I rarely wear a bra when I’m home. Another thing though, I rarely get breast soreness. Even on my period I don’t, and it was the last day of my period so I thought it was a weird delayed hormone thing. Then my period ended and my boobs still friggin’ hurt! Great, I’m probably pregnant. Breast tenderness is like #1 when wondering if you’re pregnant, but I just had my period? I push off the thought of pregnancy for another day, then yesterday (Monday) all those thoughts came rushing back. I thought I had felt the inside of my sweatshirt get wet right where my nipple was pressed against the fabric, so I quickly lift my shirt and squeeze my breast. Panic. Pure freaking panic. I’m halfway running into the bathroom just hoping what just happened wasn’t real and I didn’t want to freak out my boyfriend. I lift my sweatshirt again in the bathroom but squeeze each breast and once again here comes little white dots of milk surrounded in clear liquid oozing out of my nipples. (I told you this was major TMI.) PANIC!!!

I have the best boyfriend cause he calmed me down, reassured me I wasn’t pregnant, and went with me to buy a test just to be sure for myself, my mom, and my doctors. He was right, blatant negative. But the biggest reason I knew he was right was because before we went to get the test, he checked the side effects for my new medication on good ol’ Doctor Google. Almost 3/4 of the symptoms on that long list, I have already been experiencing and it hasn’t even been a week. So now that I know my swollen, painful, and milky boobs are part of this medication that isn’t even doing what it’s supposed to.

I was supposed to have more of an appetite, I don’t even have one. The nausea was supposed to lessen, I threw up for the first time in weeks yesterday. My bowel movements were regular, now it’s downtown to diarrhea lane everytime. I was less irritable and bitchy, that flew out the window. And so many more! I’m pissed honestly. Yes my doctors told me a few of the most common side effects, and normally I don’t really have any, so I didn’t really think about it. But now I can’t understand why even the smallest side effects are not disclosed to the patient who is trying everything to feel better, and Google is more help than they have been in months. I just want to feel better, not like my boobs are going to explode for absolutely no reason. And I just want to say to all those Mom’s out there who have Mastitis or other breast issues, I am so sorry. My Mom had mastitis with my oldest sibling, and talking to her about the pain I am feeling, I couldn’t imagine it 10x worse.

And now I wait for the final call back from my doctor telling me, “Yes! Stop taking that medication!” and hope in a few days my side effects start to go away.

Here’s to always hoping tomorrow is better.

Em