Well now that is has been over 12 days since I wrote my last post, boy oh boy do I have a lot to talk about. In those 12 days, my world and just the world in general has been completely turned upside down. No one can buy toilet paper anymore kinda upside down. Mysterious viruses are super cool huh?
Let’s start with my life first, then get into what I am doing to protect myself and my boyfriend as COVID-19 is sweeping the country and the first (now second) case has been confirmed in my rural state.
Like I said in my last post I was under a lot of stress because of an upcoming move. Well…We did it! We’re fully moved out of our horribly anxiety inducing apartment and into a quiet calm one. I really didn’t realize how much stress, anxiety, and irritability I was experiencing there. And it turns out I wasn’t the only one. Both of my cats have shown me in the last week and a half that I had them living in the most stressful place I could have had them in. Their demeanors and attitudes have changed from protect and attack mode all the time, to cuddly and sweet. I didn’t know my older cat was capable of cuddles and the amount of purring he has done since moving him.
The move sucked so bad though. It seemed like I was tweaking my back, twisting my hip, and giving myself bruises everyday without fail. And yet I couldn’t just stop and take a rest day. We were on a time crunch, and no matter how many times I thought I would vomit or literally just collapse, I kept going. There were so many days I just wanted to give up, cry, and just let my boyfriend do the rest. That was never an option, so I faked it till I made it. God damn, all of that is catching up to me with each day that passes.
To top off the endless trips up stairs that are actually illegally steep (boyfriend’s brother was a contractor and informed me it is in fact illegal to build them that steep anymore) with countless boxes and heavy furniture, I really didn’t feel like cooking. The reason mostly was the lack of a stove, oven, and microwave. (All solved now) So we had gone to McDonald’s because their fries are gluten free (score!) and I was just going to get a double quarter pounder without a bun. Ended up almost getting poisoned by an undercooked patty, but was too tired to raise hell at the small store. Didn’t eat the undercooked part and was fine.
Next night though I really wanted ice cream from them. In my nearly delirious state after that day of more moving, when I ordered two ice cream cones and my brain didn’t register the ass disaster I just put myself in. Thank god for my more conscious boyfriend. Thinking I could just cut off the top of the ice cream without getting any that had touched the cone, I put it in a bowl and just ate the ice cream. I thought I was certain I didn’t get any gluten from the cone, but it’s obvious now how stupid that was to even try.
Next morning the first thing I did was throw up out of my butt, then out of my mouth. I could barely move for that morning, knowing I had glutened myself, the move had to be put on hold for the day. I laid in bed trying my hardest not to move my body. If I did, I would’ve thrown up again, and I had a splitting headache just chilling above my right eye the whole time. My boyfriend came home for lunch and the first thing I said to him is, “Hold on, I gotta go throw up real quick.” Proceeded to just throw up the only thing I could stomach, water. Then when the water ran out, I was left just heaving up nothing and my whole body felt like I was eradicating a demon.
This really helped my validate to a lot of people that I haven’t been glutening myself all along, because at least that wasn’t happening everyday. The second round of vomiting sent my headache away and I did feel a little better, so you know what I did? Completely ignored my body and kept moving crap anyway. Man, I’m so smart. (Sike.) I’m honestly not even sure what day that was at this point, they all just blend together in the mess that moving was.
But we are in our new place, loving every minute, and so are our two kitties. I honestly couldn’t be any happier. I felt the stress melt away as I locked the door to my boyfriend and I’s first, and very stressful apartment together for the last time today. I was hoping to turn the keys in and say goodbye forever today but my landlords office was closed so I bought clay and made an ornament with their imprints instead. I’ll turn them in Monday.
That brings me to the disaster that the world is in right now. Coronavirus. Let me just say, I’m scared to just get a common cold right now because I have basically been in isolation for the last 6 months with no real contact to the outside world, meaning my immune system is basically useless. Nonetheless the possibility of a virus that no one really knows anything about still. The first case in my whole state was confirmed in the county next to mine, which was the last thing I wanted or expected. This is only a concern to me because my whole family and my boyfriend own/work in a retail store with nothing but human contact. I have lectured my boyfriend endlessly about washing his hands and being more careful than he would be if it was just him. And if I’m honest, I’m scared. Not panicking, but just scared. We all should be. This isn’t a joke, shouldn’t be taken lightly, and after my 24 rolls of toilet paper run out- I have no idea where I will get some after that.
So the move stress is gone, and replaced with existential stress and dread. How can you not be stressed when it seems like everything in life seems to be crumbling due to a novel virus? At the end of the day, I am protecting myself and those close to me, and I know we are all doing the same. All we can hope for at this point is the world governments are getting it under control and we wait until a vaccine or treatment is developed and distributed.
I hope all of you are safe and staying safe, and hope that tomorrow we get more positive news and less panic from the masses. Even if that isn’t going to happen, all we have is hope. All of my hope is in keeping my GI specialist appointment and not having to reschedule for an indefinite time depending on how severe it gets where I am. Only a week and 3 days until that appointment, and we’ve all seen how quickly it grows in that amount of time.
Here’s to always hoping. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but hoping it all resolves very soon.
Wash your hands, stop touching your face, stop buying all the damn toilet paper, and stay safe everyone.
Em
The Days in the Life of a Young Celiac 